“Who am I?” The question popped up in my head when I was trying to write yet another college essay. It was past midnight, all the lights had been turned out, and only the soft snoring of my roommate filled the room. I had been sitting in front of the monitor for almost two hours, to draft the 10th, or maybe the 100th version of my college essay that was supposed to be touching and humorous and insightful at the same time, or in other words perfect to guarantee my admission to a top university.
My peers had written remarkable essays about the sorrow they felt towards an AIDS patient they met during voluntary service at a hospital, or the insight they gained from experimenting the “Fluid Bridge” while competing in the Korean Young Physicists’ Tournament, or the pleasure they’d felt while they were conducting the school orchestra on Beethoven’s Symphony No.9. I envied them. Their essays were so outstanding that whoever read them was moved, impressed, and forced to like the personalities of the writers. All their stories seemed to have their own unique colors, just like an ideal college essay.
On the other hand, mine didn’t make its readers laugh or cry with it. After reading some of the best essays written by students from our prestigious high school, I was anxious to “produce” something that was more than, or at least as impressive as, my friends’. I tried to decorate my life with the colors similar to those of my peers’, hoping to astonish my friends as their essays had done to me. But no matter how much effort I put into imitate others, no matter how hard I tried to invent an authentic feeling for AIDS patients or to imagine the ecstasy of conducting physical experiments or orchestras, my essays didn’t show who I was. I would always get the same response, “Hmm…the essay doesn’t really…come to me.”
That’s how I flunked the previous 9, or perhaps 99 versions. It was past midnight, and I was tired, frustrated, and running short of colors to plagiarize from. Then for the first time, ironically, the most fundamental and important question popped up in my head, “Who am I, really?”
The answer was here, all along. I am me. I don’t know a terminal AIDS patient, and I’m not a physicist or a conductor. I am someone who was unable to write a successful college essay, but nevertheless didn’t give up and is trying for his 100th time in spite of the immense fatigue and frustration he feels for sitting alone in his dark, lonely room. This was the attitude I’d adopted all along in parliamentary debates I did instead of physics; in singing at festivals instead of leading an orchestra. I am someone who was jealous of others for their talents, for their dazzling achievements, and who strived to be magnificent like them. That was the passionate personality that enabled me to claim first class-honors and receive merit scholarships.
I didn’t have to create an “artificial me,” an imaginary physicist or conductor, but to just honestly show myself: a good debater, a decent singer, and an excelling student. I didn’t have to be someone else. I should have been proud of my own colors and painted my essays with them, which I am doing right now.
And even if this 100th version still doesn’t come to the readers, I know I’ll be sitting back at my chair to draft the 101th. The relentless ardor, the jealousy generated from a sense of inferiority, the desire towards perfection motivated by that jealousy, the fatigue and frustration I’m feeling at the moment, and the confidence I’ve restored in myself as I’m finishing this essay.
This is who I am.
apparently u didnt throw this away :P
답글삭제This is good in many many ways. The direct tone is very flowing and arresting for the reader. No lack of clarity or stalling. I enjoy that about your writing and think it is clearly a strength. I also appreciate the honesty, and the creative intro. Does this stand out as a potential college essay? A college essay about writing a college essay? I don't think it is the way to go, and knowing you as an individual I don't think you need to write about having difficulties coming up with something. You have plenty of material to draw from, and your writing says a lot about you even if you aren't specifically stating it. You can trust your tone and flow to woo the admission officer to some extent, even if you are writing about a salad you had for lunch. Most students do not have this ability on their side, so you have that to think about.
답글삭제If I were you I'd be a bit softer with the AIDS and jealousy threads that pop up throughout. That's the only real issue I have with the content. All in all it is very good, but I don't think you have to worry about finding things to write about. Simply displaying your open mind and passion is all you need to do, as you have a knack for engaging a reader.